It's the climb.

08 February 2010

the kind of care and concern
the kind of love you've showered me with
all these have made me feel so loved
and now,i want to reciprocate
but ever since i have confirmed my feelings
our relationship seems to be getting worse
and now, i really don't know what i can do

how do i explain to you my feelings for you?
how do i explain the pain and hurt that you have given me everytime?
how do i explain to you that i want to spend more time with you?
how do i explain to you that i felt so uncared for?
how do i explain to you that i am using work to numb myself because of you?
how do i explain to you that i am going to work so hard
because i want to numb the feeling?

why is it always my fault when we don't have time to spend with each other?
why is everything my fault?

but i guess, it is really my fault..
for placing you at a higher placing than a friend

and i guess..maybe going back to how we used to be might be a better idea
erasing the feelings, becoming friends.

p.s darling, maybe you're right.

(back to the top)

04 February 2010

我到底應該怎麼辦﹖:(

(back to the top)

01 February 2010

i wonder,
do we get tired of mixing around a certain group of people
get tired of having to explain again and again
get tired of having to stand up for our own views
do we?

then i wonder
will i run away when i encounter a problem that i do not want to face
will i retreat when i no longer how to face a person
will i escape when i find that loving is so tiring
will i?

sometimes i really feel like not caring
because i know for sure that if i do not care
things will work out in the end
then why am i still caring so much about it?
is it worth it a not?

i am so tired of everything
even recharging doesn't seem to help

Dear Lord,
give me the strength to lead me through day by day
let me not lose hope in doing your work
let me not look at men instead of fixing my gaze on you
give me the courage to stand up for what i believe is correct
and rebuke what is wrong
give me the confidence to be sure of what i am doing
even if i know that is the minority
Help me Lord

In Jesus name i thank and pray
Amen

(back to the top)

21 January 2010

Really, i'm Fine

On and on the pain goes on
And it wouldn't just wouldn't die

I'm far weaker and more powerless than I thought
I chose to avoid your eyes

Hate myself, hate myself

On and on the pain lives on
It's hurting so much more

Just let the sin of regret swallow me
Will the punishment bring salvation

I'll be fine I'll be fine

So many cried listening to God
Let being strong not only a show

So many lies listening to you
When morning comes, I will be fine

On and on the pain goes on
and I just don't know how to cope

Will hugging myself fill the emptiness
The last faith, don't give up

I will be fine

So many cried listening to you
I hope you can give me the strength again

So many lies listening to you
When I will be fine

When I no longer look forward to anything
Only you are left, only you are left

If one day, I leave behind everything to see you
Please smile without saying anything

So many cried listening to you
I hope you can give me the strength again

So many lies listening to you

When I will be fine

and yes, i guess, i will be fine
i hope at least i will be fine

(back to the top)

as the hurt takes control
as i let my feelings lead
i do not want to be rational anymore
sometimes thinking that a person may understand you
may actually result in more upset
things that you think are important
but the person doesn't
something is missing in this relationship
but i guess, now,
i do not want to find it anymore
for now, maybe numbing maybe the best solution
i do not want to argue over who's right and who's wrong
i do not want to swallow my stand and accept yours
just because there are flaws in mine

interestingly, i think darling you're right
i am sleeping more these few days
because..i am starting to run away
from things i do not want to face
i am sorry darling

is true that the things a particular person do
may hurt more than just any random person
i need someone to comfort me
or maybe, i just want someone to soothe my pain as well
i am not strong
neither do i want to act like i am
and is frustrating whenever i see someone upset
i will put on a mask once again.

(back to the top)

11 January 2010

if you're not the one

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this **much** is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I'm praying you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t wanna run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

if you're not the one,then why am i feeling this way?
do you know, everytime when i want to confirm my feelings
we will bound to quarrel
and then i will wonder,
are you really the one
everytime when i want to ascertain that i do like you
we will discuss some issues that highlight how different we are
then i will back away again.
is so confusing
i just can't figure it out..

(back to the top)

27 December 2009

yay:D i am finally 18!((:

anyway,thank you to those who went kukup,went tuanqi and went for choir thanksgiving and wished me happy birthday(:
haha,like what corrine and pingshun had said,
sang birthday song 3 times:D thank you!(:

thank you yihan for the nice nice fireworks!(:
i thought you had forgotten about it
so was really surprised(:
thank you soo much!

thank you wenhan,jiemin,ignatious,songyang,dage for the gifts!(:
i really love them a lot(:

oh,thank you gabby and shumin(:
i tell you okay!
i am really touched by you all eh(:
so i promise i will go back for trg soon(:
thank you so much for celebrating my birthday with me!
and i miss you all sooooo much:(

i love my birthday!(:
thank you sooo much for making this birthday such a memorable one(:

p.s. sometimes i have no idea if i should give you up, knowing that there will not be any outcome and i am letting myself sink in deeper.i know i promised that i will get over it, but can i just let it go just like that? should i let it go just like that? because i am 18,so i should act more maturely and let it go and not hang on to something that i know there will be no outcome. i am lost and confused.

(back to the top)

20 December 2009

Bring the noise- Double Dutch

I don't wanna see you sad
You don't have to feel so bad
And everything just seems so far away

I'm always here to make you smile
Forget your troubles for a while
I am here to get you on your way

'cause there's a place
Far away from here
Where you won't feel any pain or fear

Close your eyes
And I'll take you there
Smiling faces are everywhere

Bring the noise
Give me your faces
Bring the noise

how i wish,i am really here to make you smile
do you know,you mean a lot to me?
and is true,i don't want to make you sad:(

(back to the top)

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annabel
27/12
capricornian
child of God
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如果要我了解这世界，
我将会花尽我一生的眼泪
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